Munnabhai apologizes to India

Sanjay Dutt was barred from contesting elections by the Supreme Court yesterday. On hearing the news, Dutt let out a broad smile that endeared him to all in his Munnabhai films, and gracefully accepted the news. He called a press conference and said, "Forgive me for having made such a public embarrassment of myself. I committed a crime that haunts me everyday and one which I will never be able to live down. It is unacceptable to ask for the public to forget about it, even if we didn't live in times when terrorism was such a ready and present danger. I thank my stars that I not in jail and that is enough for me."

When quizzed about his wife Manyata standing in his place the big man responded, "Politics are about the right person to represent the populace. If I cannot stand, it should not mean that she is a replacement. She has no experience whatsoever and would be unknown if she weren't married to me. For that matter, I have no experience. I am only an actor as my good pal Govinda says. My hairstyle changes every week as does my beard these days. Let's be honest, I can't even act properly - I'm only here because my father made it as an actor. I've never really spent much time in Lucknow as I've lived mostly in Bombay. I'm going home and I'm making another Munnabhai film which should smoothen everything out again. Thank you once again."

Amar Singh sat by his side through the entire press conference refusing to speak. He felt Sanjay could handle himself well enough and said the right things. On hearing the Supreme Court order, Pappu Yadav the notorious Bihari gangster instructed his lawyer to withdraw an appeal for a stay so that he could stand for elections. Having allegedly murdered Ajit Sarkar while a sitting MP, he refused to use the loophole that allowed stays on convictions for sitting MPs and MLAs. Pappu's sense of remorse was a profound moment in Bihari politics. He went as far as discarding his nom de guerre 'Pappu' and is on the lookout for a fresh nickname to start over. 'Bunty' is leading the reckoning.

Pappu's magnanimity was needless as it turned out. In the ruling over Sanjay Dutt, the Supreme Court also made an obiter dictum, ruling that stays would not be granted on convictions for sitting MPs and MLAs. They are to be classified as the rest of the population in being held responsible for their crimes and will not be allowed to stand for elections. After all, being a politician cannot be the only occupation a man can take up. It has been applauded far and wide as a ruling filled with wisdom beyond its years.

APRIL FOOLS!!!

It is all bullshit. Yeh India hai meri jaan.