CONGRESS WINS INDIAN ELECTIONS 2009!! - Maybe

The title is a little misleading. OK, very misleading as results are not out at the time of writing and pretty much everyone is claiming victory. BJP have one-upped Congress this time by claiming that they will win more seats this year with their allies than Congress won last time round. That is 219 vs. 218. Congress apparently is forecasting a slightly lower figure for themselves but as these were based off some news channel I glanced at, I wouldn't take them too seriously.

Of course such figures are based on the belief of these parties that they allies they covet will get in bed with them. It is an incestual orgy of the worst kind - filled with octogenarian men. Yuck, to borrow a phrase many girls use these days. Here is an example of a few hours of horse-trading or whore-bidding.

Ol' Chief Minister of Bihar jumped in head first by announcing that he will join whichever party that commits to granting Bihar 'special status' if their alliance comes to power. Karat's Wikipedia entry perhaps describes him best.

'Nitish's nickname is Munna. He is a teetotaller.'

It is essentially saying look you need a screw and this is my price and I swear I'll do you all night long if you pay me. Except ol' Munna is the leader of JD(U) which is supposedly part of the NDA, the BJP's alliance. So the analogy really changes from a plain old whore naming her rate, to a mistress who wants more diamonds and moving into the richer man's harem for them.

The old horny men aren't just the BJP and Congress but also the Left aka Communist Party of India. What is truly beautiful about the Left is that they have this carrot being offered to ol' Munna saying, 'Look man I love you, OK. If you back us we'll possibly think about maybe naming you as one of the candidates within our sizeable group who could be Prime Minister if we win. Are we cool?" The Left is kissing a little bit more ass saying Bihar deserves 'special status' without actually saying what that is. It could just be a tag before the name, i.e. 'Special - Bihar'. Or the promise of Bihar getting a different font from the other states on any Indian map or atlas published here onwards. I'm personally leaning towards the latter.

Tragically, it turns out Munna wanted more money for Bihar. All the better for your gaiye-bhainse you know. Congress has said, "Look I'm horny and I'll take any chick right now, no matter how ugly and how much she charges. Unless she's racist like BJP or Shiv Sena because that is so wrong." This of course is just a few days after the PM Manny Singh called Munna racist himself. Just to be on the safe side given all they're saying, they appended their statement quoted 4 lines above:

'He added that Congress had not blocked development in any state. "Congress has not differentiated with any state on the issue of development," he said.'

Also:

'"He (Nitish Kumar) needs to define and specify what he means by special status for Bihar. The UPA (the Congress-led United Progressive Alliance) has always taken into consideration demands when it has released funds for backward states," said Congress general secretary Digvijay Singh.'

Clutch answer. Of course we want you to develop just like we want everyone else to develop. Could be re-written as, "You're all equally special to me. How can you ask me to choose between you?"

BJP is a little taken aback obviously because they thought they had some seats locked in. Of course, they've promised 'special status' and claim they are the only ones who will provide it. Its really sucking for them if Congress is also doing this whole 'promising' thing that's so hep these days. Munna though could be in the fantastic position of having everyone promise to give 'special status' and therefore commit to getting into bed with whoever wins. That really negates his purpose so I'm guessing some new demand is close. Pretty much everyone else should also demand 'special status' to extract some true value. What's the point of standing for elections if you can't sell yourself if you win a seat?



The advantage Munna has of course is that he is promoting a book, released by Lord Meghnad Desai. The title of the book should you care, Special Category Status: A Case for Bihar. Sounds familiar right? Others could do it too if they just plagiarize like Munna allegedly did from a rather pissed off researcher at Jawaharlal Nehru University. Didn't sign the honour code, I guess.

There's going to be a lot more fun once the parties actually know who's won what and who's accordingly the best screw. I hope Congress wins simply because they seem to have a little bit more wisdom about them in basic matters of handling the country. For those who love the BJP because of the development they will bring, I can only say one thing:

They said the same about the Nazis.

P.S. - Munna a teetotaller? Really? In Bihar? How?