Ugly Women Get Reprieve - Women's Lib Complete

"Calling one's wife ugly may soon be considered an offence under a Malaysian law that seeks to protect a woman both physically and emotionally."

So says this report from the Hindustan Times. I'm not sure how this makes much sense because a violent husband may not call his wife ugly in the first place. He may use some other choice words or just launch into the physical violence directly. I also wonder if the 'ugly' is for purely subjective views or objective ones like Susan Boyle's ugliness. Although that is superficial, skin-deep ugliness. What about someone being a really ugly person at heart, like a pedophile intestine-chewing, grave-robbing necrophile? Nope, I guess that is out of bounds too because it might hurt that woman's feelings. The same probably applies to calling a woman fat, balding or telling her she has smelly breath.

I'm guessing the counterpart to this law, you cannot insult a man's penis due to the permanent emotional scarring, should be out soon. Can't let women have all the power in the world now, can we?

Manchester United vs. Barcelona - The Best Team Won

Manchester United were beaten by Barcelona on Wednesday night in the Champions League final. After the first 8-9 minutes of domination from United, the Barcelona that has played scintillating football all year long showed up and won the game in style. There are a few conclusions to draw from the game:

1) This Barcelona team is the greatest team to have played football together over a full season. There might be greater teams over one single game (think Brazil 1970 but this Barca team probably has that covered too) but none over a season. I tip my hat to the best attacking team and indeed best team in the world.

2) There is no shame to lose while trying to play your own football. United tried that for much of the game and I took pride in that regardless of it being a bastardized version of Barca's play and failing to result in any goals. I took no pride in the lashing out by Vidic and Ronaldo towards the end. If things weren't bad enough already, this didn't make things better, it just drove home the feelings of loss and anger.

3) Pique should not have been sold. It is a big mistake and United will regret it even more if Ferdinand's injury troubles persist. He is past 30 and will play fewer games every season on now. Pique was the rock that Barca's defense was built around and if one watches the game again, count how many times the commentator says, "Pique clears". He has learned his art at United and gone to practice it elsewhere. A very poor piece of business.

4) United's defense as well as the midfield will have to spend a lot of time this pre-season on organization. It has been sorely lacking since March of this year and resulted in the best defence in Europe becoming one of the leakiest. Ferdinand's return hasn't changed things that much so the issue lies in drilling it in. The two goals came from poor closing down by Carrick and Anderson for the first apart from Vidic's mistake and O'Shea not covering the shortest man on the pitch (if not the stadium).

5) Where is Hargreaves?

6) Messi is without doubt the greatest player in the world. Iniesta is the greatest player at Barcelona. The two showed Ronaldo how the game is played. While the erstwhile World Player of the Year threw hissy fits, Iniesta and Messi dribbled through rash tackles and got up every time without an issue. Most importantly they pass the ball. Ronaldo doesn't. To top it all, he attempts to deflect blame from his own performance by blaming Ferguson for tactics. Fuck off Ronaldo to Madrid.

I was strangely disconnected after the game but the loss has sunk in. It is painful and I don't think I'll be able to read any football news till August. Sucks.

Indian media going orgasmic over a certain someone?

"Oh my god! He knows who Hugo Chavez is? Wow, that just makes him so well-read."

"He took off his shoes before entering someone's house! He offered his chair to a sixty-year old!"

"He reads books! And he buys them from Khan Market!"

This piece in the Outlook about the boy India is apparently in love with is nothing short of brilliant and flattering. The qualities listed above make this 39 year-old ready for the country's top office. One wonders if the author has met any average Indian boy or girl brought up in an urban, middle or upper middle class home. Please do read for a good laugh and perhaps, risk suffering from a complex!

http://www.outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20090601&fname=Cover+Story&sid=5

Cleaning Up

The New York Times had an article a few days back on Pakistani kids hitting the streets of Lahore trying to clean it up. Part of NYT's fetish for Pakistan of the last few months, it does stray from the focus on security. It speaks of a bunch of kids, all of whom sport sunglasses as the photographs show you, going out on hot Sundays and picking up trash in the market places. Apparently, they were sick of their parents and friends complaining about the government's ineptitude.

“The reason the Taliban is ruling Swat,” he said referring to a valley north of Islamabad where Islamic extremists took control this year, “is because they are organized. We need to organize, too.”

So says a Mr. Shahram Azhar. Big targets if they aim to organize from a trash collection society to an organized force that can rival the Taliban in relatively backward areas.

Preposterous as it sounds, there is some basis to the argument. A self-help society in a pure form (commie style) can provide a big boost to confidence and pride in your environment. One thing is supposed to lead to another till you're country of sample population is highly developed, evolved and goes by the name of Scandinavia.

Of course, it is almost impossible to make it work thanks to the cooperative dilemma. Everyone passes the responsibility on and assumes someone else will take care of it. Or the taxes that they pay mean the government will eventually hire some untouchable to clean the streets. Or everyone else is doing it so why can't I? It is a bit of a myth that education and wealth solves the issue because I've seen men step out of 7 series BMWs to relieve themselves (I am assuming they got the car thanks to some level of sophistication but if you know Delhi, you know it stands on very weak grounds). I've seen bottles of water hurled through the air by my own friends, who's education I can vouch for. So I believe it is part of the 'chalta hai' or 'anything goes' attitude that is so infuriating.

I tried a variant of the Pakistani kids' solution to see if any change can be affected. Having lunch at the home of a fellow blogger, one of his guests revealed his efforts to improve the community. He cleans up after people who litter, trying to guilt them into being ideal citizens. Inspired by this concept and his example, I decided to do the same. On a trip to Jaipur, I asked a shopkeeper where his trash-can was so I could throw away a bottle. He took it from me and chucked it into the street. I went and picked it up, pocketed it and told him it wasn't his trash-can. The bloody fool, if not disgruntled was far from gruntled. Nonetheless, to spite me, he threw another piece of trash into the street. I probably should have picked it up too but I walked away.

For every one person I've convinced to do the right thing, there are at least 4 others who behave like that idiot. A 20% strike rate isn't bad but then there's no guarantee that such behaviour continues on. Added to that, my sample size is small and so not too many judgements can be made but it still seems that there is no incentive to act clean. I've seen a cop try to fine someone for littering but let him go with a warning. Of course, they do the same for traffic misdemeanours when they don't posture for a bribe.

I guess one of the key issues is that people don't count the streets, the neighbourhoods as their own. Greater responsibility and ownership may prove more effective than education. The other key challenge is to remain motivated and to sustain enthusiasm for any such project. It is extremely difficult and though I wish the Pakistani kids the best of luck on it, I fear like most rich, urban kids they'll find something else to do on a Sunday afternoon.

The successful case study for them already exists. In Malcolm Gladwell's otherwise horribly pissing off book The Tipping Point, the broken windows example is very encouraging. It relates how New York City was turned from one of the scariest shitholes in the world to the slightly less scary, sometimes shithole metropolis love now. Graffitti on subway cars was cleaned off every night even as offenders would draw it back in the morning. It required immense levels of patience to repeat the 'good act' daily - one that I did not manage against the Jaipuri shop keeper. The payoff for NYC was something clean that people took more pride in and put some effort into keeping clean. Gladwell hypothesizes that it also led a massive reduction in crime rates.

The trite statements are easy to make in this case as the reporter of the NYT article did. Read on to Page 2 and the revelation - it is difficult to be cornier in life. Early days I think to say such things and a good way to make a fool of yourself. But here's hoping they continue and more people around South Asia follow their example. Any visible difference would be fabulous. Who knows, one might even topple the Taliban using it.

Are we all socialists? Are we just confused?

Are we really this confused and unsure?

An Atlantic correspondent asks whether twenty-something year olds today are in fact socialists. As he points out, these are the same people who supported the Iraq War which was launched by a party and president who fought hard against big government.

Dance of democracy?

The people have spoken with a decisive voice. The people have voted for good governance. The people have voted for change. The people have proved how vibrant India's democracy is. Since last Saturday, the Indian media and following it the international media have lauded the electoral process in the world's largest democracy.

Ever since a surprised electorate was informed by an even more surprised media that the Congress-led UPA was voted back to power with significant numbers (much to the party and coalition's own shock), all the reasons why Manmohan Singh, his cabinet and the country's grand old party were doing a terrible job at governance have been forgotten.

No one is asking the tough questions post elections as they all celebrate somebody, anybody's victory. Did the nation really come together to bring the Congress back to power as a positive affirmation of the manner in which it had conducted India's affairs in the last five years? I think for many voters it may have been a case of voting for the only viable alternative.

Whatever happened to the UPA's absolute inability to ensure domestic security with multiple bombs going off in cities all across the country, with the Naxalite movement expanding its reach everyday and with militants being able to cross in to India with just that much ease? With the Communists out of the way, the UPA is expected to usher in sweeping free-market reforms. Has everyone forgotten the UPA chairperson commending her mother-in-law for nationalizing Indian banks and saving the country as it steps in to the 21st century? Where is all the talk about a failed industrial and SEZ policy that will not create the number of new jobs as required? Suddenly all the detractors of mammoth policies like NREGA are hailing it as a revolution - will we no longer inquire about where majority of the funds set aside for such schemes disappear to? In the run up to the elections, while the media stalked the Gandhi siblings and made them heroes, there were many who complained of the inability of the Congress party and the country to find next generation leaders outside of political families. Now, the Gandhi son is being hailed as a messiah. All that talk of nepotism has been forgotten once again.

The sudden change in tone and rhetoric of the media and of political commentators is simply remarkable. Unfortunately, it makes a mockery of the historic electoral process the Indian population recently participated in. And it reduces the nation's challenges and necessary policy-making to a defensive activity, rather than elevating the debate around it to a more concrete and wholesome process.

And for those who thought we would never see these people throw their weight around national politics - welcome Lalu, Mayawati and Mulayam Singh to the UPA of 2009.

Kissinger & Obama (Gods) meet in Valhalla to Discuss Hades

OK, so I'm mixing up mythology a little but I'm sure you get the picture. Clearly some big men are concerned about this.

CONGRESS WINS INDIAN ELECTIONS 2009!! - For Real this Time

All the phases of voting, the nail-biting tension (for some I'm sure) and truckloads of suspense have resulted in the Congress winning and winning decisively. Congress has won more seats than any single party since they did the same feat back in 1991. It speaks to the fragmentation of India and the shift towards multi-party coalition politics with weakened governments in the last 18 years.

Has the Indian voter realized this process wasn't working too well? I don't think so, I think they felt the UPA were the lesser of all evils and have voted accordingly.

I was a fan of such politics for quite a while, thinking it to be true democracy where everyone has a voice in some form or the other. Pragmatically speaking though it means decisions are slowed and are constantly under attack with blackmailing threats from minority allies that they will back out. The mandate that Congress has gained over the last month means that they will be able to push more policies through. Best of all there is going to be no need to pay heed to the Left. The CPI (M) has been blown to smithereens in West Bengal by Mamta Banerjee and the Trinamool Congress, considered by many to be a mad woman (an euphemism). The Left had reared its head highest during the ratification of the 1-2-3 Act aka the Indo-US Nuclear Pact. India was not going to bow down to an imperialist capitalist nation according to them. Well sucks for you now, Left.

Extremely gratifying is the erosion of power of Mayawati and the BSP in Uttar Pradesh. Congress gained a heck of a lot under the organization, leadership and campaigning of a certain Rahul Gandhi. The man has been vindicated I feel. He has done brilliantly to bring Congress to such a position of power in a state where they have had virtually no presence in recent times. Moreover, the opposition he was up against in Mayawati is not to be smirked at. Going from strength to strength in recent times she was more than just a dark horse for the seat of Prime Minister. That itself was based on her ability to gain upwards of 50 seats and then lining up anti-UPA allies.

We now know that was optimistic but it didn't seem so for the longest time. Her appeal to the Dalit community had grown to encompass anyone poor including Muslims, long a vote bank for the 'secular' Congress. Running Muslim celebrity candidates such as Mohammad Azharuddin and fabulous campaigning by Rahul's best mate, Omar Abdullah, are some simple reasons to point to that the Muslim vote was regained. They were also no doubt aided by the antics of Varun Gandhi and my Mayawati's unbridled lust for central power, distracting her from her home state.

Rahul should be commended for his role in the overall victory and UP's contribution to it. He has said that he does not want to be a cabinet minister and that has its plusses and minuses. He probably should continue in his organizational role as it has done wonders as all can see. Abandoning it now may lead it to unravel overnight. As a cabinet minister though, he will gain the experience for the role he has been earmarked since birth - Prime Minister. He will also have an opportunity to prove he can handle the responsibility and can create a track record to be judged on. Manmohan Singh has asked him to join the cabinet and I feel certain he will this time round.

The question is what portfolio will he get? Surely, it will be something more minor to start with and a subsequent reshuffle landing him a more prominent role as Home Minister or something similar. Very, very interesting.

On the subject of Prime Minister himself, Manmohan is due to be the first back-to-back term PM in India since Nehru. Incredible, if true. To be fair, I'm sure Congress and its allies would prefer either Sonia or Rahul to be PM because it is a dynastic party. Manmohan is a regent who may be redundant. As long as his biggest fans remain Sonia and Rahul, Manmohan will be PM.

The BJP are deserved losers. Much of their campaign was negatively aimed at Manmohan. He is a weak leader, they said. A puppet with no voice of his own. But what was their strong leadership going to provide? Greater communalism than already exists? Alienating what is still nominally the world's strongest power? More hostility towards Pakistan? I don't see their economic policies appealing to anyone but urban businessmen. Not that Congress is much better saying we achieved 6% during a global recession so we rock. Going down to 6% (4.5% according to the IMF) from 9%+ is akin to recession, they must know that.

I still feel though that even though Congress is a hodge podge of everything, it is better than being the uber-nationalistic BJP. The BJP has a major need to re-invent itself much like the Republican Party in the US. Modi is the immediate future and has become a beacon of development. Personally, the spectre of Godhra still hangs over him. They are also counting the costs of defending Varun Gandhi's anti-Muslim statements. Though he won his seat, how many others were lost in the process? A Gandhi-Gandhi future? I don't think so.

The final reckoning should show a strong government without the need to dilly-dally or hold massive referendums on policy making. Stability is key for development and growth and most importantly for inspiring confidence in every walk of life. The people have spoken.

Manchester United vs. Arsenal - Eleven for Number Eleven

Three-peat. Three championships in three years. Such an impossibly difficult feat that in the last 25 years United are the only team to have managed it. Mourinho got back-to-back titles but Wenger has been unable to go past one at a time. The bedrock for this fantastic performance was laid when Vidic became a starter in the autumn of 2006 and Ronaldo started scoring prolifically. Those two are the reason these three titles can be mentioned.

The game itself was rather boring. United were lethargic, not at all cutting and looking for a glass of champagne and maybe a prawn sandwich or two. Tevez was given a start, no doubt to say goodbye to the home fans once and for all. When he did come off his waves signaled just that. I tip my hat to Carlito for being a fan's footballer. I think we will miss him but if he is replaced adequately either from within our without, then he shall be remembered fondly at best.

Arsenal were a little slow too but maintained possession fabulously. I think Diaby had his first decent game in recent memory. Nasri cut in well from the right flank but Arshavin was largely invisible except for one instance where he drew 4 defenders with him. United's midfield trio of Fletcher, Carrick and Giggs tried to get stuck in but it just led to a fragmented game. Ronaldo, Tevez and Rooney tended to overplay when they did get into attack mode.

Nothing of note to mention other than that. A few incidents such as targeted tackling on Evra, no doubt for his comments after the semi-final. United wanted to start celebrating and Arsenal wanted to start their summer holiday. That's the sort of game it was. A few close freekicks did fill me with tension but Carrick fulfilled his defensive duties well.

Mission accomplished well in this game. O'Shea will need to be on his game against Barcelona and not leave Vidic isolated as he did today. Were Van Persie a better header of the ball, this point would be mentioned a lot more. It does feel though that Barcelona are going from strength to strength while United are ending at an ambling pace. Doesn't bode well for the final.

CONGRESS WINS INDIAN ELECTIONS 2009!! - Maybe

The title is a little misleading. OK, very misleading as results are not out at the time of writing and pretty much everyone is claiming victory. BJP have one-upped Congress this time by claiming that they will win more seats this year with their allies than Congress won last time round. That is 219 vs. 218. Congress apparently is forecasting a slightly lower figure for themselves but as these were based off some news channel I glanced at, I wouldn't take them too seriously.

Of course such figures are based on the belief of these parties that they allies they covet will get in bed with them. It is an incestual orgy of the worst kind - filled with octogenarian men. Yuck, to borrow a phrase many girls use these days. Here is an example of a few hours of horse-trading or whore-bidding.

Ol' Chief Minister of Bihar jumped in head first by announcing that he will join whichever party that commits to granting Bihar 'special status' if their alliance comes to power. Karat's Wikipedia entry perhaps describes him best.

'Nitish's nickname is Munna. He is a teetotaller.'

It is essentially saying look you need a screw and this is my price and I swear I'll do you all night long if you pay me. Except ol' Munna is the leader of JD(U) which is supposedly part of the NDA, the BJP's alliance. So the analogy really changes from a plain old whore naming her rate, to a mistress who wants more diamonds and moving into the richer man's harem for them.

The old horny men aren't just the BJP and Congress but also the Left aka Communist Party of India. What is truly beautiful about the Left is that they have this carrot being offered to ol' Munna saying, 'Look man I love you, OK. If you back us we'll possibly think about maybe naming you as one of the candidates within our sizeable group who could be Prime Minister if we win. Are we cool?" The Left is kissing a little bit more ass saying Bihar deserves 'special status' without actually saying what that is. It could just be a tag before the name, i.e. 'Special - Bihar'. Or the promise of Bihar getting a different font from the other states on any Indian map or atlas published here onwards. I'm personally leaning towards the latter.

Tragically, it turns out Munna wanted more money for Bihar. All the better for your gaiye-bhainse you know. Congress has said, "Look I'm horny and I'll take any chick right now, no matter how ugly and how much she charges. Unless she's racist like BJP or Shiv Sena because that is so wrong." This of course is just a few days after the PM Manny Singh called Munna racist himself. Just to be on the safe side given all they're saying, they appended their statement quoted 4 lines above:

'He added that Congress had not blocked development in any state. "Congress has not differentiated with any state on the issue of development," he said.'

Also:

'"He (Nitish Kumar) needs to define and specify what he means by special status for Bihar. The UPA (the Congress-led United Progressive Alliance) has always taken into consideration demands when it has released funds for backward states," said Congress general secretary Digvijay Singh.'

Clutch answer. Of course we want you to develop just like we want everyone else to develop. Could be re-written as, "You're all equally special to me. How can you ask me to choose between you?"

BJP is a little taken aback obviously because they thought they had some seats locked in. Of course, they've promised 'special status' and claim they are the only ones who will provide it. Its really sucking for them if Congress is also doing this whole 'promising' thing that's so hep these days. Munna though could be in the fantastic position of having everyone promise to give 'special status' and therefore commit to getting into bed with whoever wins. That really negates his purpose so I'm guessing some new demand is close. Pretty much everyone else should also demand 'special status' to extract some true value. What's the point of standing for elections if you can't sell yourself if you win a seat?



The advantage Munna has of course is that he is promoting a book, released by Lord Meghnad Desai. The title of the book should you care, Special Category Status: A Case for Bihar. Sounds familiar right? Others could do it too if they just plagiarize like Munna allegedly did from a rather pissed off researcher at Jawaharlal Nehru University. Didn't sign the honour code, I guess.

There's going to be a lot more fun once the parties actually know who's won what and who's accordingly the best screw. I hope Congress wins simply because they seem to have a little bit more wisdom about them in basic matters of handling the country. For those who love the BJP because of the development they will bring, I can only say one thing:

They said the same about the Nazis.

P.S. - Munna a teetotaller? Really? In Bihar? How?

Finding the Inner Bigot

"I'm going to vote for BJP."

"Why?"

"If Congress wins again, the Muslims will soon outnumber the Indians in India."

"What kind of insane are you, man?"

The exchange that took place after the last question was posed requires too much pardoning of French to be acceptable for a family blog such as this. Let's just say I was convinced my friend had lost his marbles.

To be fair, he is a successful businessman at a young age who makes highly rational (and profitable) decisions on a daily basis. Yet he could only (or would only) distinguish between Muslims and Indians. One is a religious group and the other a nationality. They are not mutually exclusive. Though being the world's largest minority they are far from a small group numbering 154 million and being the second largest Muslim population in a country after Indonesia. Take that all you pure Muslim states (I'm looking at you Sultanate of Brunei).

But I am not so different from my friend after some introspection. My attention is drawn to any men wearing salwar kameezes and prayer caps, women wearing burqas, mosques or madrassahs on my way through life. I should not look at them askew and I often don't. I do often look at them with some degree of bemusement and wonder if they are on 'our side' against jihadis and Talibanish elements and the 72 virgins in heaven. I should say don't get me wrong but I'm now in territory where I'm bound to be got wrong so the heck with it. For some measure of safety though, don't get me wrong. I have a whole bunch of friends, Indian and not, religious and irreligious, who have been born and bred as Muslims. I do not qualify or quantify (except here) them by their religion and it is yet to be a source of conflict in my relationship with any of them. All these vast dollops of perspective have not saved me from the bemusement and wonder mentioned earlier.

As part of my singling out of Muslims as a community, I try to have conversations with anyone with a suspicious bearded visage with some hope of entertainment, clarifying their secular credentials and perhaps one controversial moment that can provide lots of the former and disprove all of the latter. While in Ahmedabad, I went to the Jumma Masjid with the aim of being 'touristy' at a 600 year old structure and perhaps meeting some zealots. I managed to get an audience with the maulana who turned out to be an exceedingly kind man. It should be no surprise that he was but I expected someone to thunder down at me. He took in my questions about the history of the venue and explained the reign of Ahmad Shah in some detail. I really didn't hear much as I steeled myself to ask him his views on the Taliban. Foolish, to say the least. He eyed me rather sternly (looking much like a non-gay Albus Dumbledore), judged me as an upstart of the worst kind and then told me the extremists are just that - extreme. He then looked back at what he was reading (I presume the Quran as I had interrupted him while he was praying) and I asked for his leave. It was idiotically putting him on the spot and I received better than I should have.



Not satisfied at the time with asking sensitive questions, I did the same with a cab driver once back in Bombay. He had a beard (as mentioned before I find them conspicuous) and his cab was missing any stickers, statuettes (or idols if you prefer) and any other religious accessories such as beads or what-have-you. I asked him if he was Muslim and he mumbled in the affirmative. I asked him his view on the fundamentalists too.

At this point we were interrupted by, "I never really knew she could dance like this, she makes a man wanna speak Spanish." Hips Don't Lie by Shakira. The cabbie's ringtone. It went off 4-5 times during the ride and while he didn't answer it once, he always waited till Wyclef said 'Shakira, Shakira' before silencing it. A memorable conversation, indeed.

He didn't think the jihadis were in sync with the holy texts. He asked me why I picked on him in particular. I told him he looked religious so I had asked out of curiosity.

"It is the media that forms this image in your head. They show any traditional form of dressing or carrying oneself as a direct link to terrorism. A few rotten apples and they spoil the barrell. I'm just as Indian as you, you know but you thought of me as Muslim. Let me ask you this - how many Hindus did you ask about their feelings towards the Shiv Sena and MNS?"

Good point. I am indoctrinated by the media and by society around me, just like my friend and countless others. If I am to be a little less naive (and not simply blame media and society), I can also see some inherent biases within me probably in my upbringing but at the very least in my surrounding environment. I associate two images very strongly in my head now. It is why I look at men in salwar kameez a little longer for weird behaviour or try to ask my cabbie such questions. It is why I snap a photo of a (modern) madrassah in Bombay. Any Muslims that I don't know well enough to disregard their religion, I consider as some sort of trespasser. Apart from the simplicity of my mind, my prejudice was exposed best by his question of me. I had not nor have I since asked any Marathis about their sympathies towards the Hitler-worshipping, neo-fascist Thackeray organizations.



Such segregation of course is almost a norm in this country. While Manmohan Singh has questioned the secularity of Nitish Kumar for hanging out with good ol' Narender Modi, the Congress has fielded Mohammad Azharuddin in Moradabad, UP with the hope of drawing estranged Muslim voters to a Muslim celebrity. In the midst of it all, a lot of people have lost sight of putting nationality first. Perhaps it is to be expected in such a diverse nation where the population has the attention span of a gnat. Minds are easy fodder for anyone who wants to pervert them, and where divisions along cultural and religious lines can be made, they will be thick as stone. It is virtually the law of this land.

Maybe the simple solution for people like me and my friend, is to listen to Hips Don't Lie as my cabbie was intent on doing. Solid advice, Wyclef.

"Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si), su casa." True that.

Wigan vs. Manchester United - Fab Four to the Rescue

Bloody Tevez. Just when you've steeled yourself to bidding adieu to a player who runs a lot and does little else, he goes and scores a goal like that. I mean wtf, mate? Why can't you pull out sublime backheel goals every other game you play? Why leave it to your last handful?

United were absolutely pants the first half. The defenders forgot how to attack and while the attackers knew how to attack they forgot where the goal was. Rooney missed a header that you or I could have scored blindfolded. Seriously. It was that easy. Within a minute, Carrick had been set up in a beautiful flowing move that went off his shin and high over the bar. Of course Wigan weren't just sitting back. Valencia was auditioning for a move to Old Trafford and should have scored in the first 2 minutes. Thankfully he can't chip yet. But score they did with a long ball over the top. The striker (who's name is too confusing to write here) nudged Vidic, who slipped, neither knew where the ball went but the striker found it once more and slammed it in. Shame on you Van der Saar for leaving such a gap on your near post.

Credit to Wigan for always giving as good as they got. Not that they got a lot so technically they gave better than they got. Anderson was rubbish for much of his time on the pitch, unable to control the ball or figure out what he wanted to do with it once he had. Evans was being dragged all over the place when he wasn't slipping and falling. On the hour mark came on dear old Tevez. A Carrick mishit, an exquisite powered backheel later and the scores were level. There was still half an hour to play to United resorted to good old fashioned wastefulness. Rooney went invisible. Berbatov became a midfielder. Ronaldo went into striker-who-is-about-to-cry mode. Tevez ran about a lot again. How can such a wonderful player have the shittiest first touch in top flight football? The ball comes in to him, touches his foot and bounces off 10 feet away. Whatever happened to trapping the ball? The rest of the team was following that philosophy although they were trying to lay it off to an outlet player, make space and run into for a receipt pass. Except after the pass they never ran. Idiots.

By comparison the Wigan players closed down and tackled wonderfully. Fantastically motivated and full of energy throughout, they put the champions to shame.

Ronaldo took on a few shots himself all of them going sky high. He managed to incur the wrath of Fergie in the process and had the guts to put up his hands and say "What??" in a gay, Portuguese accent. Mark Hughes has been saying Ronaldo will ruin his knees with his current freekick taking style. Once he moves to Madrid I hope he does have to change the technique. It'll serve the twat right.

The goal came in the 86th minute courtesy of a run by John O'Shea, the crowding of the box for the umpteenth time and a left footed shot by Carrick from 20 yards. The ball went in, I jumped up and shouted and things were rosy once more. United now need 1 point against Arsenal at home to celebrate 3 titles in a row. No mean feat mind you, regardless of how much I bitch about their mistakes.

On the other end I must mention Barcelona. If they haven't noticed United going to pieces when attacked then they are a pub team. Even worse in fact. I'd be licking my chops if I were them right now. Smelling a famous Champions League victory.

The Obama is Funny at Journo/Celebrity Dinner

Barry makes light of himself and others at the annual dinner for rich people on small or large screens. How cool. How messianic.

Manchester United vs. Manchester City - You Call that a Derby??

Disappointing. This fixture used to be filled with venom when the likes of Haangeland, Keane, Butt, Wright-Phillips and Barton were in their hey-day. Crazy tackles, sending offs, baying crowds were the norm. Fixtures last year were a little better although much of the attention was on how much respect the City fans would accord the 50th anniversary of the Munich air crash. More forgetful was City completing the double over United last season. At least the favour was returned this year.

The talk before the game was dominated by Tevez's interview given to News of the World. He apparently does not feel part of the Fergie family and has made up his mind to quit the club. It is also of course dependent on David Gill not offering Tevez the deal so it amounts to being let go more than quitting. Whether the interview was real or not, Tevez came out with a point to prove.

The game started off very lackadaisically. It didn't come across as a derby and the intensity was lacking throughout the game. The breakthrough came as Berbatov was fouled some 25 yards out. Ronaldo took his trademark freekick and a slight deflection off the wall wrong-footed Shay Given. One has to say that Ronaldo must be the best long shot taker in the game today. Enough people have written about his technique and that others should adopt it but the hardest thing to replicate is keeping the ball sufficiently low. Try kicking the ball through the laces and watch it launch up skywards. Its an absolute work of art everytime he whacks it on target whether from a freekick or from open play. Powerful swerving shots from distance on target have the added advantage, as today, of striking some luckless defender and making a fool of the keeper. It differentiates him crucially from Messi. Each shot comes with a large element of surprise even though they it shouldn't given how many he takes. When Ronaldo does move, this season or the next, it will be sorely missed to crack open games.

City displayed none of the fight of their manager once the goal was scored. The team virtually surrendered. Fletcher and Giggs ran the midfield competently and the defenders were rarely troubled. Tevez was running riot up front being released multiple times by Berbatov. He cut in from the left at one point and let loose a curling shot reminiscent of Pires. It struck the upright and was hailed as a sign of Tevez's quality and his fight to prove something. Goals prove more than hitting the woodwork. Tevez knows that and showed it. Fletcher kicked a ball in the rough direction of Berbatov who seduced everyone yet again with his touch. The ball hit his in-step, died at his feet, he twirled and found Tevez 20 yards out. Another pair of touches later, the ball was in courtesy of the bar. A great goal and Tevez had proved himself. Won't win him any contracts at United but good stuff. He almost got another trying for an open header. To score it he would have had to risk breaking his skull. That may have won him the contract.

The second half was a staid affair. Ronaldo was taken off after 60 minutes and acted once again like a 3 year old, throwing away the tracksuit offered to him. A player who may have had such a reaction was Rooney who was left out of the starting line up. Here was a man who knows what a derby is and came on with the vigour of the legend who's shirt he now wears, the same man who stood in the opposing dug-out, Mark Hughes. Good to know such belief translates across generations. Rooney made a couple of rough challenges and should have been booked but he's come out of it okay.

A word on Rafael. Piss poor defender. Rash tackles, missing players that run at him. The primary duty of a right back is to defend. If he cannot do that then he is in the wrong position. He could do well as a right winger but frankly I prefer Danny Simpson in terms of defensive ability. Vidic gave him a right rollicking after yet another defensive mishap. With such fabulous defensive stalwarts in the squad, the twins need to be learning more about reading the game than step-overs from Ronaldo.

All in all a quiet game but immensely satisfying. Scoring only 2 goals doesn't help the goal difference chase against Liverpool but the three points go a long way. Four more needed now from 3 games. Any bets the title won't end up at Old Trafford?

Arsenal vs. Manchester United - All Roads Lead to Rome

Theo Walcott
Wasn't quite as anonymous as he was in the first leg, but that's a bit like saying swine flu is better than bird flu. Poor.

So said the appraisals of the two teams on F365. Appropriate words for Walcott who was indeed anonymous across both legs but also for Arsenal. United may have been more dominant in the first leg but had little to show for it. Arsenal showed up for a greater part of this game (especially the first 8 minutes) but lost by a greater margin. That was always a risk if they were going to attack, leaving more spaces at the back.

I felt pretty negative going into the game. United were starting extremely defensively with Park on the right and Ronaldo through the middle as compared to playing either Berbatov or Tevez. Arsenal pulled their own surprising 4-4-2 with Van Persie up front. Diaby and Silvestre, those 2 legends from the last leg were sadly missing. Arsenal were obviously going to attack and if they got a goal or maybe two, things would be bleak or maybe hellish (depending on which happened).

Arsenal's early tempo and ball-keeping was enviable. The counter-attack in the 8th minute resulted in a goal thanks to young Gibbs slipping, letting Park clip the ball over Almunia. Gotta love the Koreans as JK would say. Young Gibbs never recovered from that and though he only misplaced a couple of passes the rest of the half, his mental condition was weakened enough that Wenger replaced him with Eboue at half-time. One of his misplaced passes though led to a poor tackle by Van Persie. Ronaldo lined it up 40 yards from goal, blasted it as he typically does and somehow beat Almunia. That's two semi-finals in 2 years won by wonder goals from distance. If Wenger was holding his hand in despair after just 8 minutes, he looked on the verge of tears after 14.

United were solid at the back throughout no doubt aided by Arsenal being unable to pass the central midfield in one piece. Ferdinand and Vidic were at their telepathic best. When the third goal came it was courtesy of a corner cleared by Vidic and some quick passing between Park, Rooney and Ronaldo. The ball must have gone box to box in 6 seconds before Ronaldo slotted home his second. Arsenal needed 5 at that point and the game was approaching humiliation levels. Even David Beckham was seen rubbing his hands in glee at the Emirates. The love for the club hasn't left him and despite him training with Arsenal 2 winters ago, it was fun to see him.


And so Evra and Rooney were withdrawn to protect them from getting a yellow card and a suspension for the final. Everything seemed perfect. And then Fabregas burst into the box, Fletcher tackled him brilliantly getting the ball first but bundling Fabregas over and was given a straight red card. I can see how the referee thought it a penalty given his angle but he should have paid attention to the direction the ball went. What is shocking, is that UEFA have no appeal system for a mistaken card. It is myopic and frankly very, very idiotic. Referees are human and make mistakes, mistakes that can be rescinded if they are clear enough in almost every football league on the planet. Why not in UEFA competitions? Stupid.

United will miss Fletcher and it put a massive dampener on the outcome for me. He's been extremely reliable this season and the trio of him, Carrick and Anderson is all action all the time. That trio will now see either Giggs or Scholes come in with a lot of running being lost. If the other finalist is Barcelona, I feel United's fate has been tied to Fletcher's. As he has lost out, so shall United. If the opponent is Chelsea, I see confidence coursing through this team's veins and some brilliant counter-attacking could do the job again.

Onto Rome we go.

P.S. - Giggs is either going bald on his chest or he's shaving pretty well. His lush torso mane was made famous in the 1999 FA Cup Semi-final when he scored that goal against Arsenal. Surely, he hasn't got a complex about it after all these years.

P.P.S. - It is Barcelona. Fun, fun.

The Dilemma of the Flu

Ireland reports its first case and the death toll in Mexico has reached 19. As American VP Joe Biden advises people to avoid air travel and the WHO debates whether or not to raise its alert level to that of a pandemic, people the world over are still unsure what to make of Swine Flu. Is it merely the latest false alarm following on the heels of the Mad Cow Disease and Bird (Avian) Flu alarms from earlier this century or are the comparisons to pandemics from the last century justified? Nobody knows, and what is more they are unclear as to what attitude they should adopt. Do they remain skeptical of the growing panic such scares typically generate, or is there a genuine cause for alarm?

Nobody really trusts the Press completely on these matters. For long reputed as gross exaggerators, nobody is about to suddenly hang on every word they say. Having cried wolf falsely several times in recent memory, their credibility on such matters is not at an enviable level. And herein lies the problem. Nobody knows as yet whether or not the threat of the flu has passed, so it's highly dangerous to disregard alerts, warnings and advice at this point in time. But because the people don't know how much things have been blown out of proportion, if at all, they don't know what the most prudent way to react is.

Governments though do not appear to be taking any chances and are doing their best at screening, quarantining and advising their citizens on travel while working frantically on a flu shot for this particular strain. They do not seem to want to be in a position where they are accused of taking this as anything but rather seriously. Erring on the side of caution is the name of the game as far as they are concerned.

For the populace though, this is a constant dilemma. They see foreigners getting quarantined in their countries. They see experts warning of a mutation of the virus and returning in a more deadly form (as has happened in Canada). They look at the deliberations of the WHO, which seems incapable of taking a definitive stance on the matter, caught as they are in a similar predicament, between being overly cautious or underestimating this virus. All this enters their deliberations along with the fact that the last time all this happened, it fizzled out in a few weeks.

Both sides could end up saying "I told you so". Everyone hopes the cynical are the ones who say it a few weeks from now, but as of now, nobody really has a clue. As travel plans are put on hold and the demand for pork plummets, as more and more countries report cases, but with apparently no fatalities, the people are as confused as ever. To worry or not to worry, this is the flu.

Park, Evra, Tevez - BFFs If You Ever Saw Them

Just look at these three. Park speaks Korean. Tevez speaks Spanish. Evra speaks French and some manageable English. The only thing they have in common is their club and that they're 5'5 in height. Somehow they absolutely love each other!

I particularly like Tevez and Park behaving like a familiar, old couple. How cute.

Middlesbrough vs. Manchester United - Stroll in the Park

It was one of those ho-hum games but in a good way. It didn't lack for entertainment with both sides trying constantly to take it to the other. But United dominated from the word go and the Teesiders were quite resigned to their fate once the first goal went in. They may have to be resigned to life in the Championship too and no wonder based on this performance.

United rung the changes with Scholes and Giggs handed central midfield roles. I was a little surprised that a third member was not stationed alongside them to do the running or 'carry the water'. A little too much disdain for Middlesbrough, I think. Also a cue for Tuesday night that the golden fledlings of yore will not play. Good rotation for Park to start on the right and Macheda up front partnering Berbatov and Rooney on the left. Low pressure situation for the youngster with a weak defence in front of him and experienced forwards next to him.

Good solid passing by United was an omnipresent factor in the game and rather heart-warming. The team will have to reproduce such passing against superior opposition in Arsenal. The first goal, scored by Giggs, was a product of controlled passing around Borough's box. Giggs had so much time that he put his hand in the air, asked for the ball to be played to him, Berbatov had the time to see Giggs and backed out of the way. Giggs controlled and drove it into the right corner. Very, very poor defending by Middlesbrough that such a narrative can even be written.

United attacked constantly for the rest of the half and indeed the game but there were only 2 memorable points. One was Evra hoofing the ball into Rooney's quadrant rather optimistically, only for Rooney to trap it and roll it inside the defender with one touch. A remarkable piece of skill and one reminiscent of Zidane. The follow-up shot was threatening but kept rising. The second was a rather beautiful reverse ball by Rooney splitting the defence for Park to run onto diagonally. Good finish by the Korean and one that he should manage more often.

The one poor player of the day for me was Macheda. Petulant and tried to lash out at opponents with late tackles. To his credit, he didn't play act a la Monsieur Ronaldo (who got some good rest this weekend). Yet he tried too many flicks and turns in the box over the simple turn and layoff/shot. The kid seems promising but not much more to me. Here's hoping he proves me wrong. At the end of the day though, three points won and a clean sheet kept albeit against toothless opponents. Seven more points from the next 4 games and the Premier League trophy is secured for at least one more year.

Manchester United vs. Arsenal - 1-0 to the Champions!

Hmmm, what does one say when your team beats its greatest rival of the modern day by comprehensively outplaying them on Europe's biggest stage? Take care it doesn't come back to bite you in the ass.

United won 1-0. My team prediction before the game was off a little as O'Shea was preferred to Rafael (wise, wise move), Anderson was preferred to Giggs and Tevez's work against Tottenham won him the starting spot against a major team that he has been pleading for. The team was set up to harry and chase down Arsenal's slick players and that is exactly what they did.

United started extremely positively and the rush of chances came courtesy of Arsenal losing the ball far too easily. Rooney, Ronaldo and Tevez were willing to run at the defenders especially young Kieran Gibbs. He was most impressive though, showing great speed to keep up with the likes of Ronaldo and good presence of mind to make the forwards work for their bread.

The ace in the hole for United was clearly Mikael Silvestre. Selling him was one of the wisest decisions Fergie has made. No pace, no presence of mind and poor reading of the game has turned him into a liability for Arsenal on the pitch. On this night he conspired to make Arsenal all the more jittery, as if the meaning of this game wasn't enough.

The goal when it came showed Arsenal's weakness at marking in the box. The players gravitated en masse towards the ball leaving 3 United players alone on the near side. When the ball came back that way via Carrick and Silvestre, O'Shea had all day to pick his spot. A good goal and it felt there was a lot more to come. As it turns out Ronaldo squandered a golden chance and a couple of more attacks should have yielded more but United ended the half happy, feeling they were on the cusp of scoring once more.

The second half was a staid affair as Arsenal regained some composure. Fabregas dropped back into midfield but isolated Adebayor. The other forwards never tried to get into the game. Few balls were played out wide to Walcott but then he didn't do much with it when he got it. Adebayor was lazy and didn't fight enough for the ball. And may Diaby remain at Arsenal for years to come. He's a 12th man for the other team if ever there was one. Very Silvestre-esque of him to give the ball away consistently.

The second leg now holds a few lessons for Arsenal more so than for United. Conveniently, Silvestre is injured so either Song or more probably Djourou will play in defence. That will deprive United of a crucial edge. Knowing that they must score, Arsenal may opt to play 2 strikers though with Eduardo having injured himself in his cameo I wonder if he will opt for Bendtner. Bendtner won't scare the United defence too much and he drew a lot of ire from Andy Gray on Wednesday. A gaffe by Van der Saar meant that if Bendtner had guided his header goaldwards in the 85th minute, Arsenal could have equalized. For the next 5 minutes Gray harped on about the ease with which that goal should have been scored. If he does play, that is yet another boon to United. I feel though that Walcott will be switched to the left to take on O'Shea. It is the obvious move to make and it is surprising it wasn't made in the game itself. O'Shea is slow and more easily exploitable for Walcott although he will have to cut in and pass/shoot as compared to play the ball behind and cross. But then that is the Arsenal way with wingers so may work in their favour.

United need to nick a goal, hopefully early. The same formation would do just fine and given Giggs and Scholes played the entire game today against Middlesbrough, I don't foresee any role for them on Tuesday night. Closing down Arsenal's midfield is key to force them into mistakes. Also key will be Ronaldo keeping himself in control. He was petulant beyond what I thought was possible but then he produces those magical moment like his 35 yard shot that hit the crossbar. He also spent far too much time in offside positions which meant that players had to hold play up till he was in line for a ball to be played. If the ball is to be played in quickly for best use, he must make the runs in as compared to standing and waiting for it. Against Arsenal at the Emirates the team needs to show its hunger, not behave like foolish kings.

The tie is still finely poised but it sure does inspire some confidence that Rome awaits the champions.